Can you be friends with an ex?

The answer, from my life, is a big fat YES.

Sorry for the lack of posts. I’ve had a crappy few weeks and haven’t had any ideas or inspiration for a while. But on a lonely day off I thought I’d be productive. So here we go..

I have a wonderful individual named Jordan in my life. I met him around 4 years ago when I was 19 – in the middle of my first and second year at Uni. We met on a dating website and hit it off quickly and got together a few months later.

Like most relationships, it didn’t work. I was heartbroken and I guess he was too. However, we remained friends. And now, 4 years later, we are still the best of friends.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy. At times it was difficult. Mainly when either of us was with someone else or dating. However, we pulled through. We have an amazing connection and understanding about each other. In the past we were intimate, which I think massively helps with our friendship. I know his ticks and triggers. I’ve seen him transform overtime into a wonderful and kind human being.

So here are my tips from my personal experiences about staying friends with an ex;


Only do it if you feel ready
Give yourself time to deal with the break-up and have some space from each other. Trying to be friends straight away doesn’t work, but after a few months, things may feel better.
Everyone is different and every relationship is different
I’ve had a boyfriend since Jordan and we don’t speak anymore. However, Jordan and I are best friends. Every relationship is different and do not force something that doesn’t feel normal. If it’s not meant to be, move on.

 

Be happy for them when and if they move on
Don’t feel bitter or jealous. If you do, maybe it’s not right to be friends. But remember that they are your friend, and I’m assuming you want them to be happy right?

 

DO NOT CARRY ON SLEEPING WITH THEM
It makes things worse (trust me). Cut the sex and intimacy quick. It sucks and it’s hard but it’ll make things easier and more simple in the long run.

Take your time
Jordan and I took over a year to fully feel normal with each other. I love him to death but I don’t love him anymore. Take your time to realise how you are feeling.
Be honest
Put yourself first. If you don’t feel alright with being friends, tell them. Honestly is the best policy.

 

Tasha ♥

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My unhealthy relationship with relationships

Being single sucks, some of the time anyway. Most nights while tossing and turning in bed I do majorly overthink about why I cannot seem to find someone interested in me for more than 5 minutes.

Overall, I don’t rate myself as being unattractive but not attractive either. I am a reasonably confident woman. I don’t use my size negatively anymore and I don’t really care too much about what people think. I’d probably go with around a 6? With good lighting and a smile on my face. That’s good enough right?

Wrong. My first boyfriend dumped me after three months because he cared too much about himself. My second boyfriend of nine months told me I needed to loose weight and how much he was repulsed by my looks in the mirror. That’s about the extent of my love life. I’ve been single for around a year now and nobody has taking my interest and made my insides go all fuzzy after a first kiss or date or whatever.

My amazing best friend is a solid 9. She’s tall, blonde, big boobs and amazing facial features. Whenever we go out, men will chat to me then decide to go for my best friend – thankfully we have such a strong friendship that she will tell them to jog on within the first five minutes. So in my head I’m thinking; maybe it’s my looks? I mean, it can’t be my boobs I’m a good E cup size. Maybe I need to loose weight? Maybe I need shorter hair? Maybe more make-up is the answer? I constantly compare myself to the girls on social media with flawless makeup with a beautiful man by their side.

So maybe it’s how I am that makes men turn their heads? I’m quite loud, outgoing, confident and I am no where near scared to stick up for myself and what I believe in. I mean I know some BORING people who are engaged and are planning their lives together. Again, they have someone so why don’t I?

I’ve slept with a few people and dated a few. Majority of them pie me off because I i don’t take the shit. No, it’s not okay for you to ask to sleep with my best friend and no it’s not okay for you to film me sucking your dick either. Maybe men are immature as hell and monogamy isn’t natural for some men?

Quite frankly, I have an unhealthy relationship with men. I constantly ask myself what I’m doing wrong with them rather than what I am doing right and they’re not the right one?

So why do I struggle for men to be interested in me? My overall confidence is plummeting as the months go on and I’m starting to slowly give up that my Prince Charming is out there. I know you’re the same person single as you are in the relationship. But heck, if someone thinks you’re the most beautiful person on the planet, you are naturally going to become more confident.

I guess everyone is different? But I beg I’m not alone forever.

Tasha ♥

My 2017 Spring beauty favourites

Hello again,

My blog posts have been somewhat heavy reading. I’m very much into a bit of beauty and my blog is about myself and my life and what makes me happy so it kind of made sense to do a post like this!

I thought I’d post everything that I’ve been loving since 2017 and will give a monthly favourites post every month.

Vitamin E Hydrating Mist – Superdrug – £2.99
This is definitely the top of my list. I’ve wanted something to refresh my skin in those months where my skin can possibly become a bit itchy and irritable (hay fever is a bitch!). I also understand that this has almost the same ingredients as MAC Fix Plus. It’s a lot cheaper and cruelty free! I spray this before and after make-up to refresh my face and keep my make up on for longer. I also use this as part of my skin care routine once a day in the evening.

 

 

Hoola Lite from Benefit Cosmetics – Debenhams – £24.99
I can’t tan – I burn or freckle. I’ve always struggled to find a bronzer that suited my warm  undertoned yet pale complexion. I recently heard of Hoola Lite and was very interested. Although it’s very cool toned, it suited me very quickly. I use this to lightly blend into my cheek bones for a more subtle look!

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Glam Crystals Dazzling Gel Liner from Collection Cosmetics – Boots/Superdrug – £2.99
These little babies are my go-to glam holy grails. With a good amount of colours available  and such easy application – they’re such a good bargain! I’ve picked up every colour but my favourites are definitely Hustle and Dancing Queen. They dry so quickly and have no fall out like powder glitters. I’d definitely re-purchase all of these a thousand times over!

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From left to right: Shake It Up! Dancing Queen, Pow! Funk, Glitz, Spandex, Hustle, Le Freak and Rock Chick

 

Heel Genius by Soap and Glory – Boots – £5.50
My feet are sadly neglected during the early months of the year. However, I’ve managed to keep them in tip top condition thanks to this product. The smell is minty and it’s a very thick consistency that lasts for a good 16-24 hours. Can’t complain for the price and I love the packaging too. I massage this into my feet after a shower everyday to leave my feet silky smooth.

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Cup O’Coffee Mask – £6.95 – Lush
Saved my favourite for last – the famous Lush Cup O’Coffee mask. I saw my favourite make-up YouTuber (bellejorden – go hit her up she’s insane) using this as part of her daily skin care routine and I purchased this afterwards straight away! For dry skin this is SO good. I put it on my skin with my fingers and sit in the bath and relax for 10 minutes before rinsing it off. It makes my skin feel so much tighter and softer and I use this 3-4 times a week to get rid of any dead skin and to brighten up my face.

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If you guys liked this post then please give me some love!

Tasha ♥

Not wanting to pursue a career in your degree? Me too!

Something I get asked about on a daily basis (and that is no exaggeration) is “So when are you like going to get a job in mental health?” or “Why are you working as a Healthcare Assistant when you can just be a Psychologist?”

For people who don’t know, you need to do a Doctorate in Psychology to become a Psychologist. So for now, I cannot become one – unless I study further, which I have no plans to do.

I remember hitting the age of 18 and instead of thinking: “OMG YES I CAN BUY CIGARETTES AND DRINK LEGALLY” Sixth form was pushing and pushing for UCAS applications and going to University. I still don’t understand the pressure for young people to know what they want to do at such a young age! However, University was something I’d always want to do. I’d always wanted a degree and to experience lifestyle without any parents or rules – it was the best! But, instead of sitting down and actually brainstorming ideas of what interested me. I just picked the subject I enjoyed the most. I’d already been studying Psychology for 4 years and I loved it. So I applied and accepted my Unconditional offer at Kingston University. I was over the moon at the time to be accepted to my first choice. My mental health at the time was very bad and I thought I flunked my A Levels.
My experience at Kingston is something I’ll never forget. The place, people, Lecturers and City blew me away. I’ve made friends for life and learnt a lot about culture and myself over three years. And man, I grew up in a very short time after being away from home.


However, 2 years later and I’m still working as a Healthcare Assistant within the NHS. Doing very little around my degree. I sometimes touch upon people with mental health problems when working in the emergency department. But, I am limited in what service I can provide for them. BUT, I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO IN LIFE 2 YEARS AFTER FINISHING MY DEGREE.

I mean, I can’t be stupid if I have a degree, right? I must be good at something, right?

But once the anxiety settles, I realise I’m still only 23. I’m probably around a quarter into my life and I have a long time until I figure out what I really want to do. Many people try and influence my decisions. People tell me to do counselling, people tell me to become a Nurse. I definitely feel like when people try and push me to do something I don’t want to do, it makes the anxiety worse. Causing a vicious circle. I know deep down one day I’ll find my niche and find something inspiring and I’ll go for it. But there’s no harm in having a degree and not knowing what to do afterwards. Even if it takes someone 20 years – you’ll get there. And so will I.

To wrap up, it’s okay to not know where you are in life. It’s okay to question if your current job is okay for you. It’s ok to walk out of a job where you don’t feel valued (I did that and it was the best decision ever). There is such high pressure to have your life together quickly when your young and to compare yourself to those who seem like they already have it together. When in reality, we all need to bring it back a bit and just relax and let your life figure itself out on it’s own.

Just remember to slay the game everyday guys and don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do in life, it’s all down to you.

All my love,
Tasha ♥

Do I really want children? Or am I just trying to convince myself that I should have them?

So this is a topic I’ve been discussing with quite a lot of people recently. Now I’ve hit the age of 23 and I’m constantly on social media, I’m seeing engagements everywhere and people getting knocked up. I constantly ask myself, is that really what I want or am I just feeling the need to say I want to have children because that’s the “norm” nowadays.
Whenever I see a little baby or toddler – my immediate thought is “aww aren’t they lovely!?” However, straight after I’m like yeah they’re lovely but no thanks. It’s not like I dislike children, I love children – so innocent, free minded and clueless about the daily stressors as an adult. I enjoy spending time with children and doing all the nice bits. But when I see them screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of Tesco because they want a toy. Na, you’re alright.

Whenever I talk about this with the older generation, they get extremely confused as to why I wasn’t 100% sure I want children. They immediately start to look at me funny and ask me questions such as “But why not? Why wouldn’t you want to see your child grow up?” blah blah blah.

Quite frankly, I don’t know why I don’t particularly have an interest in wanting to have children. I’ve never ever had that maternal instinct with any of my ex boyfriends to want to raise a child with them. Never. I know I’m only 23 and have such a long time to have children but I unfortunately suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS for short). This can massive affect your fertility level and I could potentially never have children even if I wanted too. This worries me and raises anxiety about the situation. What if I change my mind in 10 years but it’s too late? I guess also through my mental health issues swell I have a very high chance of developing post-natal depression. Something I am absolutely terrified of. Growing up in a hostile, non-loving environment may have an impact too? I saw my parents argue constantly and I’m terrified of my children going through what I went through as a child.

Heck, I’ve found it. Those reasons above are probably the reasons why I wouldn’t want to bring another human in this world. I know I would try 10000% if I did have a child. But I never want someone I have bought into this world to go through the same experiences that I did. I never want another human to feel the way I felt for years. Isolated. Trapped. Alone. I can admit I’m terrified of the future and what it holds. It’s so out of my control and being a control freak this is a bit of an issue for me.

I’m not completely ruling out the idea of never having children. But at this current time, it’s a big no from me.

Love and sparkles always,
Tasha ♥

How I dealt with death

Hello beautiful,

I’m writing this from my bed, on a Friday night and listening to Little Mix. Usually, I would be partying out with my girls or having a takeaway. Unfortunately, I have work tomorrow at 7am so a night in is just what the doctors ordered.

I’ve had a gloomy few days and my moods been quite low and I’ve done a lot of overthinking. One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is how I’ve dealt with death over the years.

I have some very fortunate friends to still have all grandparents, family members etc. Oh how I’m envious. I would love a peppermint and cigarette smelling cuddle from my nana once more! Anyway, I lost very important family members from a young age. I was only 12 when I lost my beautiful nana to a bowel obstruction. She was my world. She had a smile what could light up the stars. When I lost her, my world collapsed. I didn’t even know how to make myself dinner, let alone deal with an important family loss at a very young age. It took me a long time to come to terms I wasn’t going to see my nan again. It ruined my mum, auntie and uncle. We were broken. But we survived, pulled together and remember the positive sides rather than the sad times. 3 years later however, I lost my Grandad to very aggressive cancer. Overtime, I saw my Grandad loose his hair, smile and all his energy. He couldn’t look after himself and looked incredibly poorly. I remember going into denial while this was happening – I refused to watch my Grandad slowly die in front of my own eyes when I had only lost my nan a few years ago. The sadness slowly passed and our lives moved on again.

I thought nothing else could happen within the next 5 years to try and break my family apart again.
But I was very wrong..

My beautiful Auntie passed away shortly after, again with very aggressive cancer.
This was the worst. She was young, fit and healthy. Never drank, never smoked and never eat badly in her life. Her Cancer was hereditary and was the reason for her own mothers death when she was just 3 years old.

Death is a natural part of life. But it’s so painful, so fucking painful. It’s like all your bones breaking at once. It’s that burning feeling in your chest and that feeling in your stomach right before you vomit. It’s the worst feeling in the entire world. And there’s nothing you can do to make it better in that time. You spend endless nights crying. Screaming. Why them? Why this? Why not me? Again, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You’d give anything just to hold them, kiss them, tell them you love them once more. It’s excruciating pain. Something I can’t physically put into words.

But, death is inevitable. You’ll experience death in your life at least once. It could be a family member, a partner, a friend or a pet. And all will hurt in such different ways. Fortunately, I’ve never experiences death from a friend or a partner in my life. But I guess I can give some advice from my experiences over the 12 years.


Whenever you have someone or something pass away; surround yourself around loved ones
This is quite self explanatory but it’s very important. Spend time with people who will be there for you when you cry and when you need a boost. Your mum, sister, friend, lover, colleague. Anyone who’s going to help and support you during this hard time.


Cry
Believe it or not, crying is scientifically proven to make you feel better. It releases toxins from the body and provides a release. Do not bottle it up. Cry as long and as hard as you need too. Cry with someone. Cry on your own. Cry down the phone. Were all humans and we’ve all experienced these kind of emotions at least once in our life.

Keep a part of them close to you
I have a certain item kept from every single one of my family members. My nan had this stunning charm bracelet. I was so envious of it as a child! Myself, my sister and all my cousins all picked a charm and had it soldered onto a bracelet. We thought this was a nice gesture and a little part of nanny on our wrists. My auntie bought me a beautiful locket for my 15th birthday and I fell in love with it. I still wear it all the time and get so many lovely compliments from it.

You will learn how to laugh and smile over the memories, rather than crying that you miss them
I always talk to my family about my Grandparents and there little quirks and things we use to do to them as children to annoy them. We smile and laugh and remember the good times. This may take a while to get too, but once you get there – it’s like a weight lifted off your shoulders. It’s a odd but happy feeling inside of you. Of course I have days where I feel sad that none of them got to see me Graduate and won’t see me marry but I know, wherever they are, they’ll be proud.

Life is oh so short and precious
I tell my mum every single day I love her, because I know one day that I won’t be able too anymore. Don’t hold grudges against people. Move on and forward. Tell that guy you love them. Tell your parents you mean the world to them. Hug your dog. Were only on this planet a very short time – some unfortunately shorter than others. Nevertheless, live every single day like it’s your last.


All my love,
Tasha ♥

How I became confident in myself

Hello you beautiful readers,

So my last two posts have been rather negative so I thought I’d do a positive post about myself and how I’ve learnt to accept myself just how I am over the years. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions and a long process but I feel like I’m pretty much there!

First thing I’ve come to terms with is that nobody is perfect. Everyone has rolls, stretch marks, cellulite, scars, hair in places where hair “should not be” etc etc. Beauty is purely subjective. Someone could think I’m a beautiful masterpiece. However, the next could think I’m related to Jabba the hut. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know that someone one day will find you and myself as the most beautiful individual in the entire world. And until that day, if someone calls you something negative. It doesn’t matter. Someone will sweep you off your feet and make you feel amazing.

Secondly, I am always going to be a little bit fat. But i’ve accepted that.

My mum blessed me with her short and dumpy gene. But, she’s so cute. I’ve been plump and short my entire life, and although I’ve had a lot of fat comments shouted at me through school and at work my patients still tell me how large my arse is – now, I don’t really care.
I’m not saying that it doesn’t bother me at all. I know I’m a better person than that by not making a comment about someones weight (unless it’s positive) and that’s something more than skin deep. I manage to shrug the comment off in about 2 minutes and get on with my day. Plus, I know that my girls would pounce on anyone who would make any weight comments about me anyway.

For anyone who thinks they’re a little bit more voluptuous than they’d like to be – work it. Work your insecurities into the ground and focus on the parts that you don’t mind about yourself. For example, I am blessed with rather large boobs (although my back hurts most of the time and I get those dreaded red marks around my shoulders, I hope my fellow big boobed people understand this struggle when wearing a nice bra!) and a rather tiny waist. Therefore, I flaunt those more than something like my legs. My legs are my biggest insecurities about my body. I’ve always had large thighs and had to deal with the dreaded chub rub in the summer. Therefore, I’ll naturally edge more towards longer skirts and dresses and not towards crop tops. Although, I struggled with not having tiny legs and a thigh gap years ago, through the increase in body positivity and through fitness gurus, having thick thighs isn’t an issue anymore. Even if you do think your thighs are too big for something short, if you want to wear it – fucking wear it. Slay those haters into the ground and work it.

As Willam and Latrice Royale say – thick thighs make the dick rise!
Please listen to this song, my best friend Bee introduced me to it and I play it everytime I feel a little insecure.

 

Link here — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOF5fM6puKw

Another thing that has helped me become more confident in myself is the people I surround myself with. Some of my old friends I use to feel embarrassed about reaching for a size 16 dress or top in the shops. But my current friends tell me to slay the world in whatever I’m wearing. Don’t get me wrong, they wouldn’t let me go out in something extremely unflattering or something that didn’t excentuate the bits that I feel more confident in. But, they always manage to make me feel good about myself while shopping. This I feel is extremely important when wanting to feel more body positive. Tell your friends or family member if they make you feel unconfident in yourself. If they care about you, they’ll understand and change there ways. If they don’t – fuck them. Your happiness should be the most important thing to you.

When I went to the audiologist and they told me I had hearing loss I was gutted. Although, I sucked it up and got a hearing aid. For the first few months I was so self-conscious about it. But now, I don’t care about it. My mum has hearing loss too from countless infections over the years. She once said to me “if my 23 year old can wear a hearing aid and not feel embarrassed, then so can I!” and I went with her to her fitting and since then – her life has improved. I also no longer have to shout at her, which has saved me a lot of sore throats! But knowing my mum plucked up to the courage to get herself a hearing aid after me made me SO happy. She put it off for years and I gave her the confidence to get one. She says all the time she wouldn’t have done it without me.


I remember spending so many years looking at photos of toned women and toned girls by the pool when I was younger – I’d immediately get sad and cover myself up. I spent far too many years being embarrassed of my size and how I looked and I don’t want to spend any more time feeling embarrassed about who I am. Nobody should feel or be made to feel ashamed or upset about there looks. People come in different shapes and sizes and we should encourage each other to love ourselves and accept ourselves exactly the way we are.

Although I’m still a little chubba now, going to the gym has not only improved my fitness but really helped the way I feel about myself too. Doing heavy squats and lifting heavy weights above my head makes me feel empowered and strong. Exercise makes you produce endorphins like serotonin – the chemical in your brain that makes you feel good. So when you exercise, you view yourself better. It doesn’t have to be going to the gym. It could be swimming, walking, cycling. Absolutely anything. The way you feel about yourself is very important. If you feel better about yourself, it’ll show on the outside too.

It’s not also the outside what’s been important to help me accept myself, it’s also how I feel about myself on the inside too. Beauty is only 10% of what someone is actually like in my opinion. Being a nice person is so much important than what you look like. If you’re a good human with good intentions to other people, regardless of what you look like, you to me are a beautiful human. I don’t think that I’m a perfect individual but I know I’m not a bad person and that’s more important to me than what size jeans I’m buying. If someone thinks I’m fat or ugly or geeky. I couldn’t care less. I know I’m a better person then that and that’s more important to me.

I hope you enjoy this post and thank you for spending the time to read my thoughts.

Lots of love,
Tasha ♥

 

 

 

 

5 ways to cope with the horrors of anxiety and depression – by me!

*TW: I will be mentioning depression and intense feelings of panic attacks and anxiety. Please be mindful if you suffer with any of these illnesses*

Hello all,
I want to share some of my coping mechanisms with my experiences with my mental health issues. Suffering with anxiety and depression for around 7 years has taught me what does and what doesn’t work for me personally. I’m not saying these things will work for you, but maybe try? You won’t know unless you try.

 

1. When experiencing high amounts of anxiety; reminding yourself of your surroundings

Whenever myself or someone else I have been with is experiencing high levels of anxiety or panic attacks, remind yourself where you are is very important.
Always remember both your feet are firmly on the ground and that you’re stable. Stop, take a breath and breathe. Close your eyes and repeat “I am okay, I am okay” if someone is with you, constant reassurance is key. Constant reminding someone they are safe and out of harms way is incredibly important when someone is distressed.
Go outside – get some fresh air into your lungs. If you can’t get outside, go somewhere where you feel a little more space around you with less people.
If you’re all alone, call or Skype someone. Remember that you are never a bother to anyone at anytime.

So remember:
Your feet are on the ground
You are safe
How’re you feeling is temporarily, the feeling of a panic attack will pass. Just remember to breathe and try and relax as much as you can.

2. As hard as it may seem, when feeling depressed, try and do one little productive thing

Personally when I feel depressed, I don’t want to do ANYTHING besides stay in bed and sleep. But I at least try and get out of bed and do something. It can be anything. No matter how big or small, it’s still something.

Here are some of my very small but rewarding things that I do to feel productive:

  • Reorganising clothes, make-up, DVDs etc.
  • Clear out stuff I don’t necessarily use or need
  • Clean my bedroom: hoover, dust, make it look presentable
  • Change my bed sheets
  • Just simply have a shower!
  • Draw a picture
  • Go to the gym
  • Listen to my favourite band (Limp Bizkit if you’re wondering..)
  • Write a letter to someone or yourself – you can always throw it away if you don’t like it!
  • Make a list of days out or things you may want to do

There’s so many different things that you can do make yourself just feel a little better and feel like you’ve done just one productive thing with your day. Even if it doesn’t seem like a lot to one person, as long as it feels something to you – it does not matter. Also, be proud of yourself for doing that. It takes a lot to just even brush your hair when you’re feeling depressed. Focus on what you have done with your day, not what you haven’t done.

 

3. Do NOT punish yourself for having a bad day

In regards to the last post, if you have done nothing with your day or night. You’ve still done the most important thing – you survived. Pushing through when your anxiety is spiralling out of control or when you want to give up is the bravest thing that you can do. Give yourself some credit that you’re still managing to breathe and survive through the bad days. That takes a lot of fucking courage!

 

4. Do NOT punish yourself for cancelling plans or changing plans if you’re feeling anxious or uncomfortable

If there’s something your friends or family are going or somewhere you don’t want to go – you don’t have to go. I’m a full supporter of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and not letting your mental illness win. But if it does – that’s also okay. If you don’t want to go to that party because it’s going to make you anxious, your friends will understand. I’ve done it many times – cancelled plans because I feel anxious. But, I also think about the times where I have pushed myself to go out or go to that family event, when I really haven’t wanted too. Remember; you are a human. Allowing yourself to feel this way is okay and do not punish yourself. You’re a human being, not a robot.

 

5. Focus on things that make you feel better

So I watch videos of puppies, make-up inspiration and… it’s gross but I do watch spot popping videos (I find them oddly satisfying and I’m very glad I’ve found other people who share the same satisfaction as me).
Naturally, when feeling depressed you edge towards things that will make you more sad. But try your best not too. Listen to music that has a little bit of beat. Dance around your room and sing at the top of your lungs (yes, I do this!). It doesn’t matter what you look or sound like, as long as it’s making you feel just a inch better. Girls, put your favourite underwear on and work it. Guys, do the same. Tell yourself that you are the shit and you’re an amazing person and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Honestly, it works for me so give it a go yourself!

 

I hope some of you find this post just a tiny bit helpful, if it has, I will be SO happy.
Remember, you’re a beautiful human being who deserves all the glitter and sparkles. And you’re the mother fucking shit.


Until next time!
Tasha ♥

“Oh you’re such a spoilt brat…”

Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, this is not me bragging about my past and rubbing it in other peoples faces. It’s a personal expression about my life and how my opinions have changed over the years.

I remember skipping to school one morning through the park. The night before my mum had just booked us a trip of a life time – one week in New York and one week in Las Vegas.

From a young age, I’ve always had nice things. Which now I realise how lucky and privileged I was back in the day. I’d seen and experienced many wonderful things over the past 23 years. I had a dad who worked full time and he ran his own business and a mum who worked full time too. When my family were together, we were always comfortable. We never splashed our cash and made it rain but when me and my sister needed some new pens or school shoes; it was never an issue.

I never knew any different. My dads business was booming and life was pretty sweet. Then the main trauma of my life happened – my parents decided to divorce. It broke me and took me years to get over it. But it happened, and now I’ve accepted it.

For many years, I lived with my mum and my sister when I wasn’t at University studying for my degree. I saw my mum struggling to pay for bills, shivering cold in the winter and counting her pennies so me and my sister could eat a hot meal. It broke me seeing the woman who raised me like that. But my mum explained how she’d rater scrape by each week then stay with my dad.

Overtime I learnt that the tiny little things meant the most.

The holidays, treats, dinners and splurges stopped. But did I care? Nope. I’d gone from being known as a spoilt brat in school to people started to feel a bit sorry for me knowing I had no relationship with my dad and my mum struggled a bit with money.

But I didn’t care. I had the air in my lungs, a wonderful family, a job and a roof over my head. That’s all I needed.

But then, the spoilt brat nickname came back to me;

My mum decided to move in with her partner in Hertfordshire – a whole hour away. At the age of 22 did I really want to be living with my mum anymore, especially living away from her for the past 3 years? So my mum decide to invest into a property around my area – which me and my sister live in.

Yes, we do pay little rent. Yes, the flat is gorgeous and spacious. Yes, I am very privileged. But I am NOT a SPOILT BRAT.

My mum lost both her parents at quite a young age and suffered a nasty divorce over the years. Yet, always been so kind to others. She has every right to hate the world but instead, she embraces the challenges and changes that life throws at her. She has never taught me to be a brat and be ungrateful for anything in my life. She taught me to treat others with respect that I would like others to treat me and value other peoples opinions. She also taught me to stand my own ground and stick up for what I believe in, but in a soft and gentler manner.

In conclusion to this rather lengthy post.
On the outside and to other people, yes I had all these wonderful things and was smiling all the time. But behind closed doors, hell was breaking loose. However, the only thing I’ve learnt over the years is that I only need love and care in my life – no matter how much or little money I have.
Those things money really cannot buy.

Tasha ♥