My unhealthy relationship with relationships

Being single sucks, some of the time anyway. Most nights while tossing and turning in bed I do majorly overthink about why I cannot seem to find someone interested in me for more than 5 minutes.

Overall, I don’t rate myself as being unattractive but not attractive either. I am a reasonably confident woman. I don’t use my size negatively anymore and I don’t really care too much about what people think. I’d probably go with around a 6? With good lighting and a smile on my face. That’s good enough right?

Wrong. My first boyfriend dumped me after three months because he cared too much about himself. My second boyfriend of nine months told me I needed to loose weight and how much he was repulsed by my looks in the mirror. That’s about the extent of my love life. I’ve been single for around a year now and nobody has taking my interest and made my insides go all fuzzy after a first kiss or date or whatever.

My amazing best friend is a solid 9. She’s tall, blonde, big boobs and amazing facial features. Whenever we go out, men will chat to me then decide to go for my best friend – thankfully we have such a strong friendship that she will tell them to jog on within the first five minutes. So in my head I’m thinking; maybe it’s my looks? I mean, it can’t be my boobs I’m a good E cup size. Maybe I need to loose weight? Maybe I need shorter hair? Maybe more make-up is the answer? I constantly compare myself to the girls on social media with flawless makeup with a beautiful man by their side.

So maybe it’s how I am that makes men turn their heads? I’m quite loud, outgoing, confident and I am no where near scared to stick up for myself and what I believe in. I mean I know some BORING people who are engaged and are planning their lives together. Again, they have someone so why don’t I?

I’ve slept with a few people and dated a few. Majority of them pie me off because I i don’t take the shit. No, it’s not okay for you to ask to sleep with my best friend and no it’s not okay for you to film me sucking your dick either. Maybe men are immature as hell and monogamy isn’t natural for some men?

Quite frankly, I have an unhealthy relationship with men. I constantly ask myself what I’m doing wrong with them rather than what I am doing right and they’re not the right one?

So why do I struggle for men to be interested in me? My overall confidence is plummeting as the months go on and I’m starting to slowly give up that my Prince Charming is out there. I know you’re the same person single as you are in the relationship. But heck, if someone thinks you’re the most beautiful person on the planet, you are naturally going to become more confident.

I guess everyone is different? But I beg I’m not alone forever.

Tasha ♥

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